"Fat to Fittie"

As anyone who has any sort of disability knows, everyday throws up challenges, but we always find a way to get the task done, especially if you’re as stubborn as me. I’ve got a system when I go shopping where I do it old style and take a large cardboard box in the trolley, then when home I can hoist it from the boot of the car onto my shoulder, one arm holding the box, the other using my stick. As long as I don’t have too much weight in it, this is much easier and safer than wobbling the 20 steps to my door using carrier bags.

Another challenge I have is when I go swimming. I’ve mentioned in the past that it’s hard for me to bend down, so after leaving the pool to get changed, my legs remain wet for a while as I can’t dry them and the easiest thing to put on is shorts, what I didn’t mention is that this is all I wear. Pants are definitely a no and is why I usually go straight home after, not wishing to venture too far in the world as a reservist for the commando’s. For reasons too long and boring to go into, today I had to go shopping at my local Morrisons, which I’m pleased to say went well, it was when I got home that thing’s took a turn.

I managed to get the box of groceries on my shoulder, instantly thinking that perhaps it was a little heavy, maybe I should have removed a couple of items, but it was up there now, I can do the short walk, it’ll be fine. So off I set, my right hand, pushing on the stick to give balance, only 3 steps into my journey I felt it start to happen. Due to the few pounds I’ve lost in the last weeks, my shorts weren’t as tight as they used to be and I could sense them starting to slide down, shit! should I go back and adjust, or keep going, I decided to move forward, walking a bit different in order to widen my hips, hoping this would be enough to keep them in place for 15 more steps. sadly this wasn’t to be and after two more paces, my shorts slowly fell to the floor, right in the middle of the drive.

Now whilst your first thought may be, “how embarrassing” mine was f***, what am I going to do? I couldn’t move forward like this, I’ll be flat on my face, I had to step out of them, no choice, once I’d done this, what now, far quicker to go back to the car, but by turning round I’d be exposing far more than my arse to any passers by and that clearly wouldn’t be good, particularly with that modern scourge, the mobile phone, that’s all I need, going viral on tik tok, trying to block my face with a large cardboard box. No, the only choice I had was to keep moving forward, so there I was standing on my doorstep, naked from the waist down, hoping that if someone did walk past they’d not notice. I’m pretty sure I managed to get in without being seen, which gave me the time and confidence to plan my next move. Choices, do I take the five minute trip upstairs to get a new pair of shorts or do put my real commando skills to the test and retrieve my the ones from the front of the house. Instead I went for option three, empty the shopping and hold the box in front, casually walking back to the car like nothing was wrong and accepting that some days are better than others.