"Fat to Fittie"

No, this blog isn’t about a neutral gender Jesus coming back to life on Easter Sunday, I’m talking about one of my favourite foods, bread, which is something that completely divides everyone trying to lose weight. If I had a penny for every time I’ve listened to a woman in fat club, saying how it bloats her and is why she’s put on 5 pounds that week. I’d have enough money to buy a packet of beef Monster Munch, (grab bag). It’s just one of those foodstuffs that people seem to either love or hate, (bread, not Monster Munch). Many of course are allergic to it and some blame it entirely for weight gain, though it is one of the oldest foods in the world. In it’s simplest form, you only need flour, and water, yes I know that makes a glue, but also a tasty flat bread if you add salt. The only other thing you need to make a beautiful loaf is yeast, that really is just about it and using this simple recipe, how can bread be bad for you? It’s the addition of preservatives and all the other extras needed to prolong the shelf life in supermarkets that cause the problems and is why we need to ditch them and revert to what our grandparents, or great grandparents did and make our own.

There will no doubt be the whining “I’ve not no got time” lot, who think life’s one big stress, but the truth is, you only need 20 mins, far less time than it takes to go out and buy a loaf, let me break down the process. Next time you go shopping, buy a bag of strong flour and some dried yeast, the yeast usually come in two’s which is handy as the flour is often a 1kg bag, to make a loaf uses 500kg, so you have all you need to make 2 loafs, always ready in your cupboard to go at a moments notice. “But what about the cost?” well, at the minute, Morrison’s own flour is £1.09 and for 8 pks of yeast £1.54, so that makes it 74p a loaf. The only issue with making your own bread is time. You need to know 3hrs before that you actually want some, I realise that can be a problem for the instant & microwave lot, but for those who’ve embraced the slow cooker, this is a piece of piss. You don’t even need scales, just tip half the bag of flour in a bowl with the yeast, 2 teaspoons of salt, 3 tablespoons of olive oil and 300ml of water. mix it together, cover with cling film and leave somewhere warm for an hour. There is no way the whole process takes more than 10 mins, I know because I just did it. After an hour, knead it for 10 mins and put it back in the bowl for another hour. The kneading is definitely not a chore, nice little work out where you can imagine bashing up the face of someone you don’t like. After an hour, cut a cross on the top, sprinkle with flour and stick it in the over at 150 for 30 mins, what can be easier ?

I don’t need to tell you how amazing the smell is while it’s baking and can cause severe drool, it’s on par with hot bacon fat and a freshly bathed baby with talc on them, (NB: The bacon isn’t true if you’re a vegetarian and it’s now advised not to cover your babies in asbestos). The smell of the baking bread is just the tip though, because there’s nothing like the taste fresh from the oven, but this is where it’s not good for weight loss, mostly due to it’s beautiful warm texture, not blathering it in butter is a near impossibility. So easy to make, cost effective, better for you and tastes great, how can it not be the future? We need to revert back to this traditional, make it yourself revolution, don’t let it become a thing of the past, especially with today’s “can’t be arsed” generation of kids, though I have a feeling trying to convince those grown up microwave pinger’s may be harder. #bringbackbread.