"Fat to Fittie"

Currently I’m away on holiday having a break, every now and then switching off for a bit is absolutely vital to keep a healthy mind and body. It’s my first ever coach trip and thought that it might be a good idea documenting what occurs, so if anyone’s thinking about trying one, this will hopefully be helpful and explain what to expect. I’ve done a couple of days before, but have a feeling that this is going to be very different. It should have happened last year but because I was still suffering with the effects of the blood clots, put it off till now, maybe that’s going to work out for the best, though the way my luck goes, I doubt it.

Day 1

Taxi picked me up at eight, what a stressful morning, so much to remember, it’s not easy being disabled going travelling, can’t imagine spending 5 days without my grabber, best take two just in case. The suitcase I bought is huge, not an issue that it cost me another fiver for extra large, but I had to get it, those extra 3 inches count……and I’m talking about fitting the grabber in. Waiting for the feeder coach, I couldn’t help but notice that everyone had coats and trousers on, I’d rocked up in Shorts and t shirt, I had a coat, but because I wanted to fill my huge case out, I’d packed it, fingers crossed it doesn’t rain.

The trip to the services went ok, got there just in time though as I was beginning to regret the cup of tea I’d had, couldn’t believe how far the toilets where, what sort of architect decides to put them at the far end, instead of right next to the entrance, I’ll tell you, a twat. After using the facilities, big decision, do I have a coffee, it’s an hour and a half till the next stop, then I remembered, pretty sure there’s a toilet on the coach, sorted, Americano with milk please. As I toddled my way back to the coach, coffee in hand, I mentioned the toilet to the driver, just checking that I hadn’t imagined it, only for him to reply, “sorry, it’s not working”…….shit! Though he then informs if it was, I can’t do one of those in there, number one only.

Everyone’s nearly on board, what do I do, defiantly need a wee, he told me to go and they’d wait, but it’s so far, going to take me ages, No I said, I’ll be fine,  30 seconds later, actually, I need to go. “but they’ll hate me” I said, “No I won’t” he replied, “not you, them, everyone on the coach” Anyone who’s ever been on a coach trip, even for just a day, knows there’s always someone who’s late back, they are then despised for the remainder of the tour, I didn’t want that to be me. The problem was, I really needed to go,…..damn, this is horrendous,  as I set off, walking past all the other coaches, I noticed a break in the wall, please let that lead somewhere, it did, hooray,  quick check for cameras, not that that’s going to bother me,

As I stepped back out, I noticed the people on another coach looking, clearly knowing what I’d just done, I looked at them and shrugged, then got on my own coach safe in the knowledge I could get to the next destination, without pissing myself. As we left Yorkshire, the weather changed, I might not be pissing, but the rain certainly was, horrendous, never seen it so bad. The front windows of the bus began to steam up, until all the driver had to look through was a small clear window, as no one was talking, thought I’d try and make a joke, “did you used to be a tank driver” I asked, He looked at me in the mirror, “sorry” ? Nothing worse than having to explain a joke, “oh yeah” he said, slightly smiling at me, no one else laughed though, went down like Barry Manilow on an oil rig.

The weather wasn’t the only typical thing about the bank holiday, traffic was terrible, it was so bad, it took another hour to get to our break at Chester. Thankfully, as we got there the rain stopped and the sun came out, so I didn’t look a complete tit walking round in my summer clothes with no jacket. Nice couple of hours wandering round, then back on the coach. It took another hour, but we finally crossed the border and into Wales, sadly as we arrived at our hotel I was in for some disappointment.

The double room I’d booked and paid a single supplement for was now a single and down a flight of 10 steps, not quite the disabled easy access I’d requested. When I mentioned this to Basil Fawlty who runs the hotel he told me there was nothing else available, I said “I’m not stopping in that room” to which he replied, “Go somewhere else then”, top customer service. I’m currently waiting to hear from the tour company, but I won’t hold my breath, to be continued……