"Fat to Fittie"

Most people if they’re going to write a review about somewhere, wait till they get home, if you’re from Yorkshire, that’s a cowards way, the only way is to tell someone what you think, while you’re still likely to bump into them. Lying in bed, having had a better sleep than the night before, I typed out the title, “don’t mention the war” I’m sure you can guess what came next. I put it out on Google and trip advisor, then just in case Basil didn’t see it, sent the hotel an email to say what I’d done, now to sit back and wait.

Today was a different day in that if you didn’t want to do anything, you could stay in the hotel, if however you wanted an extra trip, then for ten quid you can explore more of Wales, Only 14 people took up the offer, but it was enough to make it happen and off we set. Anglesey was the destination, beautiful little island at the the tip of North Wales, famous for the place where the Roman’s slaughtered the druids in the 1^st century. There’s a beautiful castle there, started by Edward I but never finished, he turned his attention and money towards Scotland and after his death no one finished it.

I’d planned to go round it, but was desperate for the toilet, I enquired if they had one before I paid and got a bit of a rough reply, I get that some of the Welsh still hold a grudge for what Edward did, but it’s not my fault. She made me feel as welcome as a pork pie at a Jewish wedding, (thanks for that dad.)It did remind me of a joke he also used to tell, I’ll share it with you. English guy goes to Wales, in an attempt to fit in, he decides to try speaking some Welsh and spots a guy fixing his car, he walks up to him and says “yaki da”, the bloke looks up, “piss off you Welsh git”.

Eventually I found a café and my faith in Welsh hospitality was restored with some fantastic service, nothing better than having a relaxing coffee, looking out to see, served by someone really happy. I thought this might be a good time to call the tour company and thank them for their help and offer of another room, even though I didn’t take it. As we spoke I mentioned the review’s and the lady said, “I know”, “how’s that”? I asked “because he mailed and told us”. Going to be interesting back at the hotel tonight.

The next stop was at that place with the longest name that no one can pronounce, not even anyone from Wales. I had all sorts of ideas in my head of what it looked like, I was convinced it was a nice pretty village. On arriving, I couldn’t have been more wrong, a run down shitty street with a closed railway station and what felt like a factory warehouse outlet next to it. I was mortified to discover that it was only the railway station that carried the name, clearly orchestrated by a marketing genius. There were a few signs dotted around, but I chose the newest on the actual platform to make the video I’d always wanted to, The script went like this, “I’m here at the place in Wales with the longest name, not quite sure how to say it, I went into a local restaurant and asked the girl behind the counter to tell me where I was but say it slowly, she looked at me then said, Buurgeeer kiiinggg”………….That’s a tick on my bucket list.

Next stop was Conway, a beautiful little coastal town that boast’s the smallest house in Britain, I tried to take a selfie outside but the woman in national costume standing in front wasn’t happy, I offered to buy something from her stall but she just ignored me, I get the feeling that they want the tourism, but would rather it wasn’t from the English, bit hard when we live next door. On returning back to the hotel, I was expecting a some confrontation, but was surprised he said nothing. Bit strange to completely ignore someone who’s slated you in a review and not respond, maybe he’s waiting till I go home, shame his balls aren’t as big as the list of complaints he has against him on Trip advisor..