"Fat to Fittie"

For anyone old enough to recognise the reference to a kids TV show, they’ll also be well experienced in the British act of queueing, let’s be honest, we’re very good at it. From an early age, the art of standing in line, waiting our turn is instilled in us, at least it was. Of late there’s been more of a leaning towards the “foreign” style, of just standing around in a group and pushing in when the moment arrives, this can usually be experienced at the bus stop. One place we never queue up though is the bar, we usually rely on the other British tradition of good manners, but just lately, this has changed.

Normally you’d depend on morals and etiquette, to ensure everyone is served in the correct order, but it appears that Gen Z have other ideas and prefer to stand in a long straight line, I guess in the hope of extinguishing any chance of conflict, but as everyone of a certain age knows, this has the opposite effect. The tension of walking into a bar and seeing the long queue snaking around the tables is horrendous. The first thought is maybe this is only for food, so you politely ask, only to be told usually quite abruptly a firm “No”, how dare you think you can just waltz up and push in? As the minutes tick by you feel the veins in your temple pulse, as you watch people enter and completely ignore the queue. You feel yourself thinking “If you get served, I’m kicking off”, for a moment it looks like a new member of staff just coming on shift and not aware is going to serve them, but there’s no need to worry as number one in line is having non of it.

Just because the kids of today are lacking politeness and wish to spend their time in silence like a journey on the tube, doesn’t mean the rest of us that have social skills need to follow suit. Thankfully many pubs feel the same way and are now putting up signs, telling people to stand along the bar like the good old days. I feel that this ridiculous tradition began at holiday parks, where I have to admit I recently experienced a slight breakdown in the traditional way of ordering a pint. I’d been stood waiting to be served for a few mins, when a Gen Z walked in with his family and stood next to me at the bar. Now normally a good barperson will have the skill to know who’s next, I’ve worked behind one and always knew who was, maybe the girl on this particular day did know and just chose to serve Gen Z boy first. Whatever the answer, I’ll never know, but clearly I was having non of it, I politely explained that I was next and despite his annoyance at my rude interference I persisted that she was going to to serve me first. He then went on to say he was just asking a question about a table he had reserved, to which I replied, “How do you know I aren’t”? His further insistence to be dealt with first, prompted me to use a popular Gen X phrase that is used to explain that you’re next and leaves no doubt as to your position, “F*** Off”. Finally, he seemed to understood and decided to wait his turn, let’s hope he teaches others and normal service can be resumed.

If I’m to be completely honest though, I’m leaning more towards the modern method, which is similar to the European way and that’s table service. As someone who’s disabled and quite often uses two walking sticks, it can be hard carrying drinks back to the table and I have to rely on the kindness of bar staff. Now thanks to modern technology and the invention of the app, you simply tap the order on your phone and sit back and wait smugly as your drinks are delivered, while at least 10 people are forming a human centipede at the bar. Of course this only works if you get a decent internet signal, otherwise, join the queue at the arse end and wait your turn.