"Fat to Fittie"

There is absolutely no doubt at all, that the worst time of year to try and lose weight is Christmas, far, far too many treats on offer ? Of course there’s always some nob ed who want’s to point out that all you need is will power, really? There’s so much on offer, if you like chocolate, basically you’re screwed, everything grows and you can get all your favourites in giant XXL size, never quite understand why you would want Toblerone any bigger than it’s normal size, even that’s hard enough to eat, where’s the fun in nibbling at a huge nutty triangle of chocolate like a hamster? any problems with your teeth or don’t have the bite pressure of a great white shark, you’ve no chance. Don’t even get me started on the metre long tube of Jaffa cakes, everyone knows the moment you open a normal packet, you’ve got about half an hour before they’ve all gone soft and taste like cardboard dipped in orange juice.

Luckily for me, I’m not a huge of it, my problem is the mince pies. Last year I managed to resist eating one till mid December, that’s quite a feat in itself. I’ve thought about making it a game like Whamaggedon, this is when you have to not hear Wham’s Last Christmas for as long as possible through December. I got knocked out of that yesterday when I turned up early for breakfast with Santa and it was blaring over the speakers in the restaurant, after calling the perpetrator a tosser, I was labelled Scrooge, till I explained, even then she didn’t care that she’d potentially knocked 30 people out in one fell swoop. Anyway back to the pies, what about “Mince despise” feel contempt for them for as long as you can, before giving into their buttery shortcrust pastry, lightly dusted with sugar, it could catch on. Last year I even tried making healthier options, yes it can be done and for a while I convinced myself they were ok, till I had a proper one and that was it. NB: When I say proper, I don’t mean Mr Kipling.

The things that are bad for us are endless at Christmas, first our own fruit filled cake, then every other countries version makes an appearance like Stollen and Panettone, various chocolate gateaux and cheesecakes, given a festive twist. For some reason the humble trifle gets an upgrade as well, like the jelly, custard and fresh cream aren’t enough, half a bottle of Sherry gets poured in, how the frig do we manage to move in December, surrounded by all this artery clogging food? The worst temptation though is the seasonal introduction of the “limited edition”. Designed to make our inquisitiveness go into overdrive, “Oh, I wonder what the turkey and stuffing flavour matchmakers taste like”…..”Shit” is the answer. Just about every pimped up for Christmas special food that’s brought out is absolute crap, but still we buy them, because it’s festive. I’m waiting for them to bring out Christmas tree flavoured crisps, believe me, if Walkers weren’t already working on it, they are now.