"Fat to Fittie"

During our time on this earth, we’ve all experienced giving and receiving presents, that perhaps aren’t up to the standard we would normally come to expect. The key is to have your excited face all ready to go as you’re fumbling with the wrapping, “Oh fantastic, I’ve been wanting one of these”, is usually the best response, add even more authenticity by continuing “how did you know”? This usually throws them off guard and any doubt they might have had to your honesty, is usually quashed with this simple question. It can make you wonder sometimes, what’s going through a person’s head when they purchase something really bad.

The list of obvious crap presents is long, domestic appliances are never good, doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, she’ll never be able to disguise in a million years, the look of hatred against you as the picture of a slow cooker appears through the torn wrapping and god help the man who gets his wife a hairdryer. The worst thing you can do with the hated present though, is re-gift. this is when you wrap it back up and give it to someone else next year. It’s almost an unwritten rule, they will in turn hate it and through the process of evolution, the gift will eventually find it’s way back to the original purchaser, who will then hate you forever. Christmas tombola’s and raffles are littered with unwanted presents, which is also another stupid way to dispose of it, because the law known as “sussed ya”, dictates that you gifting friend will likely be attending the same school fayre.

Some secret Santa’s however encourage you to send the crappest present you can to someone, this always works best when you know who you’re buying for and can take great pleasure in getting the worst thing you can think of, something that really offends. The item in the picture has got to be up there as one of the worst, yet weirdly satisfying bad presents, what says merry Christmas more than a set that comes with a mould and two colours of plasticene, that allows you to form your own turd. The hours of fun are endless and the makers proudly claim that the brown and yellow allow you to form any type of poo, guess the idea is you can use the yellow to make little kernel’s of sweetcorn for that extra authenticity. Available soon, a Guinness sponsored set that comes with black plasticine so you can for the morning after look and a vegetarian version with a capsule of ammonium sulfur.