"Fat to Fittie"

For practically everyone, the single most important thing about Christmas is the dinner, the cause of everything that’s bad about the day, it gives the most stress and makes us put on the most pounds, as well as costing a few. Many arguments ensue about what to actually have in terms of food, Turkey is obviously the top meat, but why? it’s as dry and tasteless as a tramps sock and for some unknown reason, costs a fortune at this time of year. Nobody really likes it but insist that it’s not Christmas without one, what a load of bollocks and the sooner someone grows a set of them and tells everyone who cries if they don’t get it, to piss off, the better this country will be. (Well that and the Labour party losing power, can’t beat a bit of politics at Christmas). We really do need to get a grip and stand up for ourselves, the purists claim “It’s tradition” yeah, but only since the 1800’s, before that it was Goose and before that pigeon, (Probably).

Of course the controversy doesn’t end with the meat choice, Brussel sprouts is next on the list, Just like the city they’re named after, half of the country hate them (More political controversy), I would suggest a vote on whether sprouts should be on the Christmas diner table, but if as I suspect they defiantly don’t win, it would only be a matter of time before the Labour government stepped in and reversed what we voted for. Brussels are a terrible thing, green and stinky, and nobody really likes them but just pretend to, for fear of upsetting people, as for the sprouts, they just taste shit.

The last thing that causes the most problems and arguments is the Yorkshire pudding, the tastiest thing that has ever graced a Sunday dinner, but should it be served on Christmas day? The delicacy made from three simple ingredients, egg’s flour and milk, was originally thought up as a cheap way of filling people up, particularly kids, so they wouldn’t want as much meat and was therefore served up as a stater before the main course, this in my opinion is how it should be done on Christmas day by everyone. Who wants a prawn cocktail, or a bowl of soup, or god forbid a bit of fatty meat spread on toast, when they could have the tastiest creation known to man, a beautiful crisp, yet light and stodgy work of art drenched in onion gravy? I think you know where I stand, as a proud Yorkshireman I’m leading the campaign for Yorkshire pudding’s at Christmas, along with roast beef and no sprouts, just like we do every Sunday, why change what works?