"Fat to Fittie"

It’s not just the food that causes stress over Christmas dinner, the biggest decision for many is where to go or who to invite. A lot of people do the same thing every year, okay, they might not have to argue like the rest of us, but surely that’s just boring, sat round the same table, on the same emergency chairs, with the same company, eating exactly the same food as last year, cos believe me, I know for a fact that anyone who keeps up the same tradition, changes nothing for nobody. For me the best thing is to mix it up each year and let people take it in turns, the only problem with this is you never quite know what’s happening and may not be invited till close to the day, making it hard to arrange things. There’s also the chance that their plans won’t suit or fit in with yours, I know it’s polite to make changes to suit the host, but if that seriously impacts your day, how do you tell them, thanks, but no?

When I was a kid, my mam always did the dinner at 1.30, this was Sunday as well and I did think it was a bit early. As I didn’t drink at the time it wasn’t a problem, but as soon as I could, Sunday dinner was not good. Once I’ve eaten, I can’t drink anymore and dinner at 1.30 only gave you an hour to get a few pints down and be home on time, so that wasn’t happening. I chose instead to stay out till about 3.30, maybe 4, then go home and nuke my dinner in the microwave. Once I was old enough and able to be in control of my own destiny, dinnertime was somewhere between 3 and 4 and always has been, my children were all brought up with this time and accepted it. Imagine my horror when this year one of my sons invited me for Christmas dinner, then announced it’s at 1pm, 1pm! what the f**k? Apparently this was to fit in with my 18 month old granddaughters routine, what the f**k ? Without getting into the conversation of allowing children to dictate your life and risk a huge argument on parenting, I politely declined.

I’m therefore having dinner on my own this year and before you think that’s sad, let me assure you, it’s not, I can’t think of anything better. Waking up when I want, not getting dressed, spending the whole day slouching, eating crap and watching telly. Not since I was a teenager has this happened and I have any plans at all, hot tub at some point, tick, pork pie for dinner, absolutely, alcohol in the morning and steadily continuing through the day, definitely. No relatives to keep happy and be careful not to upset, no one else’s “traditions” to fit in with, no huge meal to cook or shit loads of dishes to wash, before vegetating on the sofa and falling asleep during Doctor Who, (Though with the boring tit playing him now, that’s a challenge at anytime). I honestly can’t wait and am looking forward to a day of peace and tranquillity. Before you think I’ve become a total Ebeneezer, I’m going to do all the Christmas family things the day before, which for me is a far more magical and exciting day plus I’m going to be tired on Christmas day, the night before there’s four ghosts popping in to see me.