Drugs

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I’m not about to discuss the merits of Cocaine and cannabis, though in many cases it’s a fine line between hard narcotics and pain killers. At some point it’s highly likely that you’ll need some sort of relief from an injury or long term illness and how you choose to manage it, is very important. I guess a lot depends on your pain threshold, some people can stand quite a bit of discomfort, while others reach for the paracetamol at the slightest minor headache. Now I’m not going to judge here, it really isn’t fair trying to presume how much it hurts someone else. I guess I learnt this lesson at a very young age, one day at school two kids had a very similar accident that occurred from climbing over the coal stacked against a wall, which enabled them to climb over the wall into the dairy next door to receive a football. The first one went over and had to sit on his arse using his legs to scrape the ball out from under a milk float, as he did, a piece of broken bottle tore a big chunk out of is hand on the palm. Undeterred he kicked the ball back over, went into the toilet to wrap some paper towel round his hand and continued the game where he was playing in goal. Five minutes later the ball went flying over again, this time it was someone else’s turn, that’s how it worked, didn’t matter who kicked it over, there was a chain that never broke. This second flit over the diary wall however, resulted in another cut, this time on a finger, but let me tell you, the screams that came over the wall made us think he’d severed a main artery, they also brought the dinner lady running over (she used to patrol the playground, goosestepping her way round, keeping us all in order, stopping only to adjust the swastika armband wrapped around her huge biceps). Needless to say, going over into the diary was banned and we had to rely on the kindness of a milky, eventually chucking it back over. Screamy, no pain tolerance boy, had the piss taken for about 6 months, while the hero who saved two goals with his makeshift paper towel bandage, that held a big flappy piece of skin in place, simply carried on, though I still have the scar today.

I’ve always had a pretty high tolerance to pain, which is just as well considering how much I’m in today, the flipping torn shoulder is horrendous, but the osteoarthritis in my hips is monumental. I’ve never been one for taking painkillers, living by the theory that if you ever really need them, they won’t work properly if you’ve been popping them for years at every little ache and pain. It’s amazing how many adults don’t actually know what the recommended dose is, with lots of people thinking you can take 2 paracetamol every 4 hrs, which is true, but only four times a day, queue many an ambulance trip to the hospital because of low blood pressure and oxygen levels, it’s really not a good idea to start using pain relief without some knowledge. Because of an underlying health problem, I’m not allowed to take any anti inflammatory medicine, which rules out Ibuprofen and codeine, not leaving me much else, once when I was in hospital they gave me Tramadol, which is not something I ever want to experience again, I saw items moving across the table and imagined all sorts of thing’s, though I’d like to think the bed bath from two nurses actually happened. It also made me constipated for five days, the outcome of which I think may be best left to a podcast, as it isn’t something I want to discuss here.

The only thing that I find works, without too many side effects is Oramorph and being a serious opiate, it’s not something they like to dish out easily. It took me a while to convince my doctor that I could be trusted, but after been given it in hospital, I knew it worked for me. I don’t take it everyday, just every now and again when the pain is so great, it’s stopping me doing something, the rest of the time I just put up with it, I know, what a star! This is what pain relief’s all about, finding something that works for you, but not getting reliant on it, there isn’t something that can totally wipe out any discomfort for 24 hours and neither should there be, I believe some pain is there to remind you that you can’t do everything you used to and don’t try, because you’re going to injure yourself. Of course, I realise there are many who are on end of life care and I understand this is something very different, no one deserves to be in horrific pain at this point in their life and absolutely anything that works, should be given.

The only other thing I use is what I like to call my magic gel, it contains Ibuprofen, but I’m okay to put directly onto my skin. I used to use it when I played table tennis, it kept me pain free for about an hour, after I blathered a full tube on my hips, legs and lower back, as the main pain from the hips is in the groin, I also need to put it there, but lets say, care needs to be taken, because on sensitive areas, it can burn. The first time this was applied to my skin, it wasn’t actually me who did it, after that stint in hospital I mentioned earlier, I was quite immobile for about a week and had various visitors from the NHS coming to help me out, including physio’s and nurses, whose main task was to empty the commode and for some reason, check my testicles. There were always two nurses who came at separate times and it was a toss up to which one came, the pretty one or the female rugby player, with hands like a bricklayer, of course it was the latter when it came to covering me in gel. Shorts and pants round my ankles, she took about 10 mins, rubbing it everywhere, I could probably have done this myself, but it’s strange how we just confirm when being instructed by a medical professional. I’m sure it gave her something to talk about later in the pub with her friends though I have to admit, it certainly worked, I was pain free for quite a while and I’m pleased to say, after the initial demonstration, I was allowed to apply it myself, though I won’t lie, I did spend the next couple of days hoping that the pretty one would pop in having not received the memo.