"Fat to Fittie"

This blog isn’t about the various books and DVD’s I’ve lent out over the years and never got back, (though if anyone’s reading this and has one, the amnesty’s on till Easter), it actually concerns the 40 days before Easter, when as Christians, we’re supposed to give something up. Of course the period is very religion driven, but it doesn’t really matter if you believe or not, the point is it’s a great opportunity to start a health reboot and is a time when people can be very supportive, hardly anyone questions you and when you refuse their offer of a biscuit with your cup of tea by saying “no thanks, I’ve given them up for lent”, they tend to understand and not repeat the offer. You may remember last year I gave up eating sausage rolls, can’t do that this time as I’m currently being sponsored for not eating them, so I needed to find something else that was going to assist and boost my weight loss drive.

It took me about a millisecond to realise what that was, but how I should implement it, was a little longer. If you haven’t guessed I’m giving up alcohol, but clearly not entirely, I did it once for a month and vowed never again to be so stupid, I like a drink, it relaxes me, takes away some pain and in moderation, is genuinely good for you, but it’s also the trigger that causes me to eat crap. Crisps are another of my weaknesses and I only really eat them when drinking, they go together so well, the most natural cycle in the world, drinking lager makes you a bit peckish, not for much, just a snack, like crisps, which of course contain salt, which makes you thirsty and on it goes, as far as evolution is concerned, never mind the chicken and egg, I’m more interested in what came first, the bottle of lager or packet of ready salted?

Currently I try not to drink three days a week, I manage it most of the time, but sometimes it’s only two, if I’m going to put myself under pressure and make some serious changes, I have to come up with a real test, four would be good, but in reality, I should be doing that every week and would be where I really want to be, so five it is then. I ran it round my head a few times, checked the diary, what social events do I have booked in, can I do this? It was time to do the maths, basically Lent starts on Wednesday, the middle of the week, so if I drink on Monday and Tuesday, they don’t count result! Altogether it’s 44 days, and I’ll only be able to drink on 12 of them, so 32 alcohol free days here I come, when you put it like that it doesn’t seem such a task, but believe me it is, technically I should be giving it up totally and not having any, but the route to success is giving yourself a realistic target that you can stick to and not buckle after a few days.

A friend of mine is on a similar mission, the need to lose weight for health reasons, but she doesn’t consume any alcohol, so has to look elsewhere for her abstinence. Apparently 81% of adults in the UK drink, yes that is a lot, certainly higher than I thought, but did you know 95% eat chocolate and for me, that’s far more damaging. Don’t want to grass my friend up, but this is definitely her weakness and something she has to lower the consumption of if weight loss is to be achieved. I’m convinced she’s going to give it a go for lent and stop eating any till Good Friday, though hopefully she won’t be following my weak attempt and have two Freddo’s a day instead of none. It makes me wonder why more isn’t done to help people with their addiction and every town in the UK doesn’t have a Chocoholics anonymous, “Hi, my names Gavin and I eat 3 bars of Kinder Bueno before breakfast, I’d have more but can’t flipping afford them” (Why do they cost so much)? Of course being good for six weeks and not eating any chocolate isn’t going to be of huge benefit, because two days after you’re allowed it again, you’ll have approximately four huge eggs to get through, not to mention the various hunts and other treats involved with remembering our Lords rising. I’m not quite sure why we feel the need to stuff our face with chocolate or what the connection is, pretty confident it wasn’t the first thing on his mind as he pushed the rock aside, “That was a weird dream, what I need now is a bit of wafer biscuit covered in cocoa”.

Thankfully the sweet milky treat, isn’t for me, I can do without it, so there’s nothing I can really give up apart from alcohol, okay, not give up, lower the intake of. It can be hard to refuse a drink in the pub, nobody wants to pay the same price for a diet coke and non alcoholic isn’t any better, not only does it cost the same, but usually contains more sugar, the only plus point if you have this, is your taste buds don’t allow you to have more two, before screaming at you, Stop! If you’ve never had a low or non alcoholic drink, let me assure you, the third pint can be like trying to eat a Jacob’s cream cracker without anything on and I mean the cracker, not you.

So as I prepare to celebrate Shrove Tuesday with lager infused pancakes, it just leaves me to say good luck to everyone who’s using Lent to begin a new health kick, especially Amanda. Make sure the three packets of Milky bar stars you plan to stuff in one pancake is all of them and there’s not one left at the back of the cupboard behind the tea bags. X