"Fat to Fittie"

I was given some advice from a friend recently as I prepare to re-start my attempt to become a fittie, “what you need to do is take a picture of yourself, wearing as few clothes as possible and put it on your fridge”, is what they said. How the frig is that going to help? I asked, apart from frighten my grandchildren, not to mention give all my visitors a right laugh, well apparently it’s inspiring, gives you motivation and encouragement to not be a fat twat anymore. I won’t lie, help is something I need, every time my weight starts to drop, something comes along to put a halt to it, no excuses, let’s say life just gets in the way, oh yeah and the large horrible lady that caused my shoulder tear in the swimming pool (see previous blog entitled “Pain”).

Anyone following me knows that I need a double hip replacement and until recently, my weight was the reason they wouldn’t do it, well now the rules have changed, I’m no longer required to have the BMI of Ariana Grande and because it’s a miracle my knackered hips are still keeping me upright, a surgeon has agreed to do them. When I met him a few weeks ago, I asked how long it’ll be, “At least four months” he replied, then I asked about my weight, the comedian in me hoping he’d crack a joke and say something like “Sorry, that’s the quickest I can do them”, instead he turned and said “Lose as much as you can”! So to celebrate I went and had my first sausage roll in six months and two pints of Cider at Wetherspoons.

Since then the weeks have flown by and while I feel a little fitter, there’s still a lot of work to do, so it’s with heavy reluctance that I’ve decided to take my friends advice, though putting the photo on my fridge didn’t seem like a good idea, don’t really want friends and family to see it, they’re all t***s and would just take the piss. Instead I’ve decided to share it with the world on-line, it’s ok, cos hardly anyone I know reads this and I don’t give a toss if Win Chen in China sees my chubby body, the point is it’s there to inspire and remind me, lose the weight fatty, or you might not be around to see your grandchildren grow up. Can I just point out not to bother zooming in, you’ll not see anything, I purposely chose the largest fig leaf growing on my tree, though I’d like to add, that wasn’t necessary!