"Fat to Fittie"

About six years ago, because my knackered hips had forced me to walk different, I began to suffer with horrendous pain in my back, a massage was needed and so I began looking. It’s not easy going through the various sites and listing’s, a few years earlier I’d visited a sports therapist for the same problem, who sorted it out, but I felt this time I needed something a bit gentler. There’s obviously a bit of stigma attached to the world of massage and you don’t want to book the wrong type, the term “stress relief” can mean two completely different things. I managed to find what I felt was a normal service with no extras and turned up feeling a bit nervous, as it was just a back massage, all I had to remove was my shirt, so there were no awkward moments. The treatment went well and my back felt great, clearly done the job, she then asked if I wanted to come back and she would massage my legs and hopefully help give me some better movement, it sounded like a great idea, so made a booking for a couple of weeks. I turned up this time though a bit apprehensive, never having had a below waist massage, I wasn’t sure what to do, clearly I had to take my trousers off and I’d made sure I had clean and quite new pants on. As I started to undo my belt she asked me “you do have underpants on”? “Of course” I replied, for a moment it felt awkward, do I take them off and use a towel, or do I just keep them on and lay down? she said nothing, so I just left them on and lay on my back, proudly showing off my finest George at Asda boxers. Unfortunately this didn’t go as well as the back massage and I couldn’t really feel any benefit, but it got me thinking, there must be someone who can help me, I just needed to find them.

For many reasons I didn’t want it to be a guy, mostly because he would apply too much pressure on my weak legs, but I also didn’t fancy having some fat, hairy fingers rubbing oil into my thighs. In my quest I was faced with the same problem, finding a genuine masseuse who didn’t use code for other things. I knew this was an issue because a friend who used to do it many years ago had told me she advertised an Indian head massage as an extra, it took her weeks before the penny dropped as to why so many of her male clients had left not looking too happy, apparently one guy looked so miserable at the end, she thought someone close to him had died. I know what you might be thinking, surely there are certain sites for that but you’d be surprised, some of the more adult massage services can also appear in legitimate listing’s and you soon get to spot the ones that offer more. Thankfully I’d worked out how to spot the service I was looking for and called up the number to have a chat about what I wanted, “No problem”, she said and booked me in.

The massage room was within the lady’s house, which made me feel comfortable though I won’t lie, I was still a bit nervous, so scared of getting the protocol wrong, I knew I was to strip naked, but how does it work? the last thing I wanted was to appear to be like one of those guys my friend had told me about when she was massaging. The first thing that happened was to have a short talk about my current health and any issues I had, then she handed me a towel and left the room, this was it, we’d not discussed if I was to take everything off so what do I do, If I leave my pants on, she might think I’m a prudish nerd, but if I take them off, she might think I’m a dirty perv, decisions! I opted for the latter, laid on the table and threw the towel over myself, wasn’t easy and I nearly dropped it but felt quite happy as she entered back in. The massage went well and my legs felt so much better after having a great deal of attention, I felt comfortable in the knowledge that I’d done it right. I tried to have them as regular as possible and aimed at between 6-8 weeks apart, I think it was the forth massage when things changed, I previously decided that because of the problem with my hips, it was better to start on my back, then turn over and do my rear, last, it was then easier to get of the table. As I undressed and lay down, I dropped the towel on the floor, shit, I thought, what am I going to do? It was hard to get off while on my back so I opted to turn round and reach down to pick it up, I’d just managed to spin round and was stretching my arm out when she came back in, to say I was embarrassed is an understatement. I couldn’t apologise enough, more concerned that I’d broken the un discussed rule and she’d think I was one of the weird ones, I couldn’t have been farther from the truth though, she didn’t care at all, totally un-moved by the site of my fat hairy arse, she just picked up the towel and held it over me so I could turn back round.

Having a massage on my hips is now a big deal for me, it releases the trapped nerves and without it, I would definitely struggle to walk, it’s a shame that more people don’t feel comfortable with having one and that the myth surrounding them seems to be associated with pervy men who are looking for something else. I guess the most common worry for most men is to get an un-wanted erection and apparently it does happen, (so I’ve been told) and the best thing for both parties is just to ignore it. Though I’ve heard a tale that once when this happened, the masseuse stopped and very calmly asked “It looks like you may need to have some relief”, the guy a bit embarrassed replied “well, If you wouldn’t mind”? “Not at all” she said and left the room. The man lay there with a huge smile on his face, anticipating her return and the subsequent outcome. About five minutes went by and he was wondering where she was when the door opened and she popped her head round, looked at him and asked, “Have you finished”?