"Fat to Fittie"

Finally after months away, I’m back. You may wonder what’s been happening? Well not got time for that, I’ll have to leave those stories for another blog, though it looks like I’m finally going to get my hip operations this year, despite being a big fatty. The NHS in their wisdom have dropped the BMI issue, which meant you had to be the weight you were as a teenager, or have the waist size of Jarvis Cocker, (whichever is closest). Thankfully that’s not the case anymore, though granted, the lighter I am when it happens, the more chance I have of recovery. When speaking to the surgeon, I asked him about my weight, instead of grasping the opportunity for a bit of humour and replying with “Sorry it’s been a while, but I blame covid”, he simply said “lose as much as you can”. I took that as a sign to have a massive binge on Sausage rolls and lager before kicking myself up the arse and re-starting a health kick. I know it’s easy to say I should have been on with it earlier, but like everything in life, unless your heads right, you’ve no chance.

A cortisone jab in my knackered shoulder enabled me to get back swimming and cutting back seriously on the alcohol has led to me losing a stone in Seven weeks, whilst that’s a good result, it’s still no way near where I want to be. So what’s next? It’s not just about losing weight, I need to build up my strength and stamina, swimming is a great help and I have a challenge planned for that, but I needed something else to aim for, something that would give me a reason to get more active, something that will push me to the limit and something that only an absolute f*****g idiot would attempt.

Every year me and a friend Simon, spend a day and night in Whitby, obviously it’s a drinking session, but I thought this would be a great opportunity to put my plan into place, which is to walk up the 199 steps. You can read more about this by clicking “Coffin rest climb” in the taskbar, but basically it’s quite a challenge for someone with knackered hips, who struggles to walk up the stairs to bed. I’m hoping that the few bottles before will help, yeah it’s bottles from now on, obviously age is a thing, but one of us got blathered last year, so we’ve decided to give pints a miss from now on, though he blames another friend called Kev who joined us for a couple of hours and who drinks for the local alcohol society on a regular basis and has been team captain for 10 years.

Anyway, the challenge is set, Simon’s agreed to film me going up the steps, we thought about doing a live, but perhaps watching a slow fat bloke struggle up a huge set of stone steps for two hours, maybe won’t be the most gripping entertainment, though one thing’s for sure, the banter would be good, but it’s likely to end in a ban from whatever social media platform we use. I guess the reason for filming is to let everyone see that I’ve actually done it, not that video is proof of anything nowadays thanks to ai, if you go on-line, you’ll be able to witness the little known about occasion when Elvis played rock, paper scissors with Princess Diana or the time Ghandi hit Winston Churchill on the back of his head with a flip flop. It’s getting harder to define that’s real and what’s not. I’m sorry there’s no video evidence of the time I piggy backed Sydney Sweeney up the 199 steps, thankfully someone took a picture, wonder if she’s going to pop over and support me? I’ll understand if not, since this was taken she’s been a bit busy, but it definately happened and despite the pain I’ll definately be getting to the top, otherwise the rest of my time in Whitby will be a living nightmare.