"Fat to Fittie"

The human body is an amazing thing, which many of us take for granted every day, I think sight is right up there at the top as something I really wouldn’t want to lose, but as we’re constantly told, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. There are of course many disabilities and you can’t judge one been worse than another, though more people seem to suffer with mobility, or rather the lack of it and it’s something you really don’t appreciate enough, until the day comes your legs don’t work like they used to. I guess everyone’s going to experience it in old age, that’s if you’re lucky enough to reach such a milestone, but when it happens in your 40’s and 50’s, it can make you arsey and annoyed that you can’t do all the thing’s you want. For me the osteoarthritis came on quite slowly, starting at the age of 45, I carried on doing my job as a tour guide for quite a while, obviously walking is a big part and I made slight little changes to what I did, like leaning against something while talking and carrying a fold up walking stick for when it got really bad. Over the years I’ve learnt many little tricks to help me with simple everyday tasks and more importantly, I know my limitations and can usually navigate my way through a day, but sometimes, thing’s don’t quite go as well as I hope.

Last week I had one of those days, it was a little bit of a sad one, as I planned to take some flowers to the cemetery, almost a year to the day when my granddaughter had been born prematurely, clearly going to a grave is never a happy event but the grief can be heightened when it’s a little one, mostly because of all the adjacent ones strewn with teddy bears and toys. I can’t walk the long distance through the cemetery, but as I have a Blue badge can call ahead and book a slot, as long as a funeral isn’t taking place, thankfully there wasn’t and the guy said “Just show your badge”, I didn’t recognise his voice and something in my head told me it wasn’t going to go as it normally did. As time was limited I decided to grab some breakfast at McDonalds on the way, getting in and out of the car for me can cause problems, so the drive through seemed like a good move, well it would have been had the system not been broken. I arrived to find a poster taped to the speaker telling me I’d have to order in store, f*****g hell, it’s going to take me at least five minutes to get out of the car and in the restaurant, then another five back plus all that pain. I was just contemplating my next move when a member of staff came out the service doors and told me I’d have to go inside and order, “Yeah thanks, I’ve just read that”, I explained that I was disabled and will struggle to go in plus I was short of time and it’d take me ages, guess I was hoping he was going to offer a solution and get my order for me, no such luck, instead he just shrugged and trudged off, slowly making his way around the car park dreaming about the day he becomes employee of the month, the 12th of never would be my guess.

Just a bit hungry, I headed for the cemetery and on the last stretch of road, reached down for my Blue badge and placed it in the windscreen, just as I did, a cyclist swerved across the road which forced me to brake, this caused the badge to slide across and fall into the passenger footwell, of course it did. I had no choice but to get out of the car and walk round to retrieve it, I’m sort of used to shit like this happening, if angels are real, then mine spends all it’s time knocking things out of my hands and throwing stuff on the floor. After putting the badge back in the window, I drove in front of the cemetery gates, normally when I do this, they open up about 2 minutes later, I just presumed the guy see’s the badge, probably with CCTV and lets me in, then I give a wave as I pass the office, not today. Five mins go by, so I call them, no answer, I give it a couple more minutes then ring again, the conversation goes like this. “Hi, it’s Keith Mulhearn, I rang earlier for blue badge access”, “sorry, what’s your name”? “Keith Mulhearn, can you let me in please”, …………..”You’re supposed to come to the office with the badge”, “well I don’t normally, the other guy just lets me in”, “It’s not that hard to come and show your badge”, “It might not be for you, but it is for me, I struggle to get in and out of the car, the least times I do it the better”, “Well you have to get out at the other end”,…………….”Just f******g let me in you t**t”. I didn’t actually say that last bit but it was in my head and if those gates hadn’t have opened, it’s a very high possibility I would have, clearly he didn’t get his wave.

Even though it helps driving in, there’s still a bit of a walk to get to the spot and I always have stuff to carry, this time I’d come even more prepared than normal, flowers plus the food, scissors to trim the stems, water and a grabber, not for litter, but to help pick up all things the angels knocking out my hand. What I hadn’t counted on though was how dry and hard the ground was, no rain for three weeks would do that and it was quite a job to lean down and pull the vase out of the soil. There’s nothing close to lean things against, so I had to juggle both my walking sticks, vase, cut the flower stems after measuring, pour in the water, add the food, then the hard bit, leaning down with the stick and trying to get the point of the vase into what felt like rock. I looked around to see if there was anyone to help, don’t think I’ve ever seen the cemetery so empty, no choice but to manage, I won’t lie, I was close to face planting into the grass, which if it’d had happened, would have meant a crawl of 30 meters to the nearest tree to be able to stand up. Note to self, doesn’t matter how much of a tit you look, next time bring the stroller, if you don’t know, it’s a sort of four wheel walking aid that has a seat, usually associated with old ladies popping to the corner shop. I’m loathe to use it but I think here, it’s vital, not only to help me bend down and sort out the flowers and things, but it’s actually quite peaceful in the cemetery and it’d be lovely to stay for a while, sit down and enjoy the tranquillity you only really feel somewhere like this.

As I made my way back to the car, I could feel my stomach rumbling, it’s 11 o’clock now, getting into brunch territory, that strange limbo moment when it’s too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, the perfect time for a sausage roll, breaking my abstinence from eating them crossed my mind, but vanished as I got in the car and the scissors dropped from my pocket onto the grass, “Ha, take that” I told the angel, got my grabber with me, so that’s no problem. I felt so much had happened in so little time and wondered what the rest of the day had in store, but the visit I’d just made put everything into perfect prospective. The guy in the office even got a wave as I left and I started thinking about writing this blog, yes, mobility is a gift, be grateful if you have it, even being able to bend down is a gift, but the most wonderful gift is life and you have to be alive to appreciate it.