Just keep swimming too

In part one, I mentioned lane swimming and the perils it can bring, what I didn’t explain is what can happen when you get someone in yours, who doesn’t belong. As you know, I swim in the slow lane, everyone who should be here, is fine, usually they’re all doing the breaststroke, nothing too energetic and no stupid splashing to contend with, but there’s always the odd muppet, who should be in the medium lane, but who’s become intimidated by someone faster, so decided to move down one. The problem is they still insist on swimming like a dolphin, bobbing in and out the water causing a huge wave every time they do, which is a nightmare to swim through as you pass each other, it’s vital you have you’re breathing timed to perfection.

Something else to consider is the friendly nod, when you pass someone for the first time, I always make eye contact, if they don’t acknowledge you, I think git, then just ignore them for the rest of the time. If however, they give you that look back, accompanied with a little nod, you feel happy and better for the world you live in, don’t try and speak though, this only results in a mouthful of water as you gurgle hello. The problem when you’ve had a nod of acknowledgment is you have to keep swimming past about another 30 times, the nod becomes an eye twitch, till you then find yourself deliberately looking away as you swim past, completely ignoring them, which you now wish you’d done in the first place.

Where I go now it’s a leisure centre, so there’s so much more to take in, like the sauna or steam room, if you enter at the same time as someone else, it becomes a battle of wills, seeing who’s going to collapse first and wimp out. I found myself sitting in the steam room for nearly 20 mins the other day, long past my average of 10, no way was I going to give up though, they’d have to peel my sweating corpse from the bench, luckily she called it a draw and left, think her walking stick was getting too hot.

Then there’s the hot tub or jacuzzi, the etiquette to which is still a mystery to me, never quite know if a women’s in on her own, is it ok to join, feels like your invading her space. While swimming up and down, I quite often see the gym nob’s who’ve just done a 40 minute session of posing, come into the pool area, towel slung over their shoulder, they’ve not come to swim, just pose some more and pester any girls sitting in the warm bubbles, they don’t seem to have the same moral dilemma, Always makes me smile when the girl gets straight out, leaves him sat there wishing he’d gone in the sauna instead, cos he now has to stay there now for at least 10 mins otherwise look like the dick he is. It can be a warzone in the swimming pool, but if your mobility’s crap and your weight’s high, get yourself in, don’t give a toss what anyone thinks and just get swimming.