Cripples law

Before anyone gets offended, because I am one, I can use that word, a cripple is someone who cannot walk or move normally, due to a medical condition or injury, tick! As if the condition isn’t bad enough on it’s own, something else we have to deal with is falling objects, not from above but out of our hands. It’s as if an invisible troll is following me around and at every opportunity knocks any item I’m carrying to the floor or moves everything I need as low as possible, knowing I’m going to struggle to bend down. At home I have a grabber to pick thing’s up, but when out and about, I’m in trouble, usually having to ask a passing stranger to please pass me whatever the troll has knocked out of my hand. I’ve seriously considered sellotaping a grabber to my walking stick, it’s definitely an invention waiting to be patented.

I did think that I’d dealt with just about every crap thing the troll throws at me, but this week I discovered a new obstacle. While putting my shopping in the car at the supermarket the other day, a guy mentioned that I had a flat tyre, of course it was absolutely pissing down, knowing that I was going to have to kneel down, what else could I expect. As I pulled up at the air machine a girl was using it, she looked and said there may be enough time left to blow up my tyre, I thanked her, got out, and slowly knelt in the puddle. The nozzle I had to connect to was of course at the very lowest point of the wheel, if only I’d have pulled forward just a tiny bit, then it would be at the top, but lets be honest I thought, that’s quite a task, just get on with it I told myself. As I attached the machine with my right hand and pulled the stupid retracting hose with the left, the air ran out, flipping heck. I struggled back up and scanned my card for the pound it needed (no cash anymore, like most things), back down in the puddle I watched as the tyre grew back to it’s proper height.

I thought no more about it till today, when I noticed that it had again gone flat, luckily I was close to a garage, so drove to it and parked next to the air machine. What do you think the chances are of the nozzle being right at the bottom of the wheel again, yeah, I’ve no idea either, but it was obviously going to happen and I’m pretty sure if it needs pumping up again before I get it fixed, absolutely definitely, it’ll be right at the bottom every time. After a while you really do get used to it, no point in getting stressed, or angry, pretty sure that just fuels the troll’s thirst to piss you off a bit more. The definition in case you’re wondering, of “Cripple’s law” is ……..If it can fall on the floor it will, if you want something, it’ll be on the bottom shelf, if you need to bend down, there’ll be nothing to lean on and if there is someone passing who can pick it up for you, they’ll be older than you, just to make you feel even shitter!